* Video created by https://jagarentreprenor.se
On Aug 2018, I started building a thing. The thing is SciFree. A SaaS start-up making software solutions for research to be open to the world for free.
Like anything where you are creating something from nothing, if you are not careful it will break you.
Here were the few ways:
Finding Investment.
After being told I should definitely go for investment; I met a lot of investors but it was hard to say the least. It is pretty much like doing a PhD defence for every meeting. Try doing that 60 times. But in one very weird case I got told by an American investor, "You have two things against you, you are a black woman and therefore you won’t get investment."
OK, before I go on let’s address that last sentence; I cannot do anything about what was said.
This is how I work, if someone tells me, “well you don’t know X,” then I will learn X and we go forward. But if you tell me I cannot do something because of what I look like, then it leaves me feeling confused. I can't do anything about what I look like. And as the data suggests investment is very difficult for female led companies and usually come in the later stages. But realising this after going through the gauntlet is something I am in two minds about.
I kept pushing and pushing to get investment for a pre-seed, seed round. It didn't really happen for us. I doubt it has anything to do with what I look like completely- but the data doesn’t lie. As you can see here this is probably one moment where I am fighting the data. If I am honest, it's because this data hurts. But though this is true, how could I let it affect the work we are doing? I cannot let what I look like affect our team and our customers. I needed to find another way forward.
So I went surfing. Then I came back and remembered that we have customers. Who said that starting a company is completely dependent on getting investment? I re-focused. I have never let what the few say about me affect how much I learn and work. So dear mister investor, I heard you, and it means nothing to me, we are building this thing because that data is the past, and we are the future!
Update: We did find angel investors who believe in our vision and our work. It takes time to meet the right people.
Health
Realising that I spent 16 hours a day sitting and working only to end up in the hospital for emergency surgery. I got out, still dazed from the anaesthesia, and all I could think about is our customers. I mean seriously, am I trying to hurt myself? But obviously the universities mean way too much to me. However there is a lot of good data and talks about founder burnout. My favourite is from the podcast StartUp Therapy.
I am not particularly good at realising that I am doing a lot. But my body, my family and friends are good at spotting it. Now, I try my best to take breaks. I go to bed really early and wake up early. I have to say no to a lot of engagements, but I am hoping that I can do one or so a month, just so I don't lose all my social capital. Plus I try to force myself to take time off when I can -work in progress. What I know now is that if I am not healthy, I cannot possibly take care of this company and our customers.
Lastly…
It's a marathon
Three years I have sacrificed everything, and I am ready to sacrifice a lot more for the next 20+ years. However, there is a limit, and usually it can be found when you see you are hitting your head against the same question or dead end over and over. If we cannot solve a problem within the time we have, then we need to reassess and pivot. We are on uncertain ground. As a start-up there are many ways for us to fail, but only a few to succeed.
We are lucky in that we have a solid interaction as a team, and as their team lead, I can feel when I am sacrificing our good interaction for something else. This is a very grounding point, knowing that I work only for our customers and team. So anything else that does not empower or support us, is not worth the time.
We've got years more to go, so we need to be healthy, honest, positive and be sure we take care of each other.
Ok, that was enough doom and gloom let me tell you the ways that building this thing has made us smile:
Wining the Swedish Innovation Agency grants x3 (haaaalllo)
Getting 28 Customers in one go in Sweden (You guys!!)
Our team laughing at each team meeting even when we are frustrated (You’re joking, no we’re not)
Customers saying, Thank you… (Whaaaaat!!)
Product mangers from large tech companies saying, “You have done so much with so little.” (Necessity is the mother of invention)
Paying for a surf trip from a salary I created (what the?!?)
Mentors saying, keep going!
Investors (women) saying, just keep going
Other company execs saying, “Ice in pants, keep the smile and keep going.”
Hmm.. let me stop, because I just realised there is a lot more of this.
Sometimes we think we are not doing well because of the few negative instances. Instances that we usually have no control over. But I hope that I will realise and learn, that the things I cannot control are not the things I should fixate on. They are not THE data point that define progress.
Written July 2021
Stockholm, Sweden