Song: Holy by Jamila Woods
Like I said, unlike surf trips, I am only allowed 10 of these.
There are very few moments in life when the way I move through this earth is called into question. Here was such a moment back in October 2020.
Today a bunch of happily married dudes asked me, "What do you do other than surf and yoga?" and I replied, "Nothing else".
Obviously, when I'm home in Stockholm, I'm building a business. But then they continued and asked, "Are you here alone, Why are you single? What happened?"
To which, I just looked past them and went into another world of recalling my last surf session.
Me: Huh?
Them: So, what happened? I mean we have our families and children, and we are very happy.
Me: And I look unhappy to you?
Them: No at this moment. But you are alone.
Me: I don't get it.
Apparently alone means unhappy. Who the france made that deduction?
Um, alone. For a girl from Guyana who went through this life full of pain and finally able to take herself to Portugal and sleep alone and wake up alone, smiling. Surf alone smiling, drive to see the biggest waves being surfed alone, manage a new sales call and team meeting, come back to watch the full moon shine like mad over her, alone, I'd say, that sounds pretty amazing.
The rant came from a place of wanting people to stop questioning my life, mostly because I really don't question theirs. Personally I've had to come to grips with the idea that I can't have it all. But at this moment, I have all I need: a bed, a warm place to sleep, food to eat. People who love me and I love dearly, waves to surf and the ability to love the way my mind and body grows (glows).
As the song above says, "I am not lonely, I am alone". We need to make sure that we don't mix the two up. Especially at these difficult times. We can feel lonely with a lot of people around and also with no one around. But the being alone, for me, is a state, not a feeling. Sometimes when I surf alone, all I want to do is share a wave with a friend, but most times, I like having the waves to myself, alone. Then I can call my mates and tell them all about it, if I have the bandwidth to speak.
Eventually these dudes invited me out to dinner, which was very nice of them. But I didn't want to be pitied (also I was not born yesterday, I am on a trip as a girl alone, stop it), and also it's a pandemic, I am not trying to meet people these days.
So about being in this world alone, I hope we will think twice before we ascribe unhappiness to the state of being alone.
Thank you, rant over!
PS: After this rant, I realised I get asked this a lot, so now I just stare over the questioner and move on. Or I will send them to this blog post. :-)