You can never forget your first.
It has been over one year now with surf trips to the volcanic reefs of Fuerteventura, the indulgent beach breaks of San Sebastián, the hailing Welsh coast, the Bajan crop-over tides, and the royal reefs of O'ahu, but there will never be comparable to my first time. Well technically second -we discount the one in Newport Beach in 2014 because that was crass.
The start of 2017 I was a calm mess, trying to figure my life out. I would grow roots in London and I would be a Professor working on collagen and various other biomaterials to help humans live better lives. Yet underneath, there was a feeling pulling at me and I couldn't understand what it was. I kept thinking of surfing, of the water. It was starting to consume a lot of my free time (HA! you don't have free time as a post-doc). All of a sudden collagen wasn't the most important molecule in my thoughts (If you know me, you know I obsess about collagen as its domain is the basis of everything structural). That rant aside, I made space in my mind for something else. I texted one of my friends from Cornwall and asked him about surfing in Portugal.
I cannot remember why I chose Portugal - maybe because I’ve never been. I have no idea. Did I know that Ericeira was the surf mecca of Europe? No, because I still switch the 'e' for the 'i' in the name. I just know that my mate had a friend who stayed at Lanezee and I booked it immediately after speaking to the owner, Miguel. The sky room from April 7th-14th. Something in me felt normal after I booked it, no regrets, no worries, just calm but still a mess. Maybe I was done with being afraid, maybe I was done with the BioZisch Ginger Life & vodka Berlin nights, maybe I realised I was more than a scientist, more than just this mind. I am not sure. The only thing I knew for sure was that my damned fears were creating indecisions about everything else and these fears fed my messy mind.
Full Disclosure: After I left Sweden, I left my 3 year relationship less than a month later. I completely changed plans and moved to Berlin. Then I couldn’t walk over bridges or even climb up a few stories. All of a sudden I developed an extreme fear of heights. Even though I made good decisions to leave both situations that were hurting me, I created a whole mind full of other fears. In 2016 I lived in fear. Yet I still had fun along the way. Berlin is great for getting lost while being lost. But 2017 came around and I was supposed to start my life in London, as I always wanted, and something wasn’t right. So I assumed the pull to finally go surfing was to get rid of this fear once and for all, so I could finally think and be ready for living in London.
As the time came, I didn't tell anyone and when people would ask what I was doing for my birthday, I just said, "I'll be gone". Not knowing I would be a goner when it came to surfing. One month after booking the trip, I bought the wetsuit. Then I moved to London, and soon after I took off on an adventure of a lifetime.
As soon as I got off the flight in Lisbon I felt a sense of curious calmness. My Uber driver had so many suggestions of things to do. Then when we got to the surf house and no one was there but a bunch of groms, he came in with me to make sure I was ok. He also wanted to see the house. To be honest, I knew it was a surf house and walking into a place that I would stay for 10 days and meeting a bunch of 12 year old was a bit of a shock.
Me in my head: Really good Abeni, you will turn 31 with 13 year olds.
Well a few minutes later the owner rocks up and I get introduced to the other people in the house, the kids left, their camp was over. Phew.
Then just like that, I felt at home. It might have been the fact that one of the owners took me out for the entire day to learn about the city and then also got a super amazing cake and everyone sang happy birthday for me my second day there. To be honest, I felt at home the moment I walked into the house. It felt like everyone staying at Lanezee brought a piece of their home with them. For the first time in a while, I was connecting to people again. I was sitting there in shorts, and a sweater after helping everyone prep for the BBQ, dreamy after surfing all morning. I didn't have makeup on, there was no club, and certainly, no one to please. I was just there, and there was cake. I took my first breath of freedom and then I was hooked.
I had 10 surf sessions. The first 3 were a bust. I was so afraid. I was so rigid. On the 4th day, the owner Miguel told the instructors to have me stand on the board.
So there they were, three dudes holding my unfit fearful body up on a foamie, waiting for a wave to push me. One guy to quiet my mind, one to hold my back foot, the other to grab the right rail, two shoulders to hold my nerves. Add noisy fear to that equation and forget tuning into what you are feeling at that moment.
That day I had two surf sessions. The instructor João stayed on the beach and watched me try over and over to catch a wave during the sunset. Then suddenly, João said, ok one more try and let's go. I said ok, and went back out, watched for the rushing whitewash approaching and jumped on the board, looking only at João and feeling the sunset on my left side, I stood up and I rode it all the way in, on my own. João was clapping, I was flabbergasted. I had no clue what had just happened. Something about trying as the sunset illuminated his silhouette on the beach was calmly reassuring. He is the kindest soul I have ever met. So young but so true to himself. He taught me to be free in those lessons. But this moment, during the sunset in Ericeira, I will remember forever.
One of the younger instructors the next day said (think handsome Portuguese accent), "Abeni you stand up when you stop giving a f%#$." And there it was, the method of getting rid of my fears, stop giving cares to things that are not in the moment. #surfing
I didn't really progress much the next days because my body was still in the lab even though my mind was in the water. But I gave it the good old Caribbean woman try. I went out there every day and I fell in love in the whitewash.
At one point they tried to get me to paddle out back with the intermediates. I was so scared that I asked them to go back to the whitewash and the instructors calmly spilt up and paddled me back in. With slight feelings of shame of my honestly, head slightly down, the owner Miguel turns to me and says, "Ok. You will go out back in the canoe."
Miguel saw that I paddled in because I was terrified of out back. So we prep for the canoe, he says if we tip over, stay in the canoe and let it turn over with us holding onto the seats, then swim out. I immediately assessed the likely hood of this happening. Miguel just had a piece of bone taken out of his ear, I knew he couldn’t get wet, so I was like, let’s do it! Out back, i.e out at the back of the waves, is like a beautiful saltwater pool. It was shallow and was not so scary at all.
So then we paddled on the huge outrigger canoe and caught waves and rode it in. Yet again, they helped me leave that fear where it belonged, at the bottom of the ocean.
The canoe was an experience on its own. We paddled and paddled to catch the wave, and then let go and rode it in. The waves were the biggest I had ever experienced at the time, and this was the farthest out in the ocean I had ever been, apart from one cruise eons ago and that's just motorised landmass.
Ericeria is a timeless place of great surf, cheap magnificent food, wonderfully hilarious humans, and most of all the place I fell in love with surfing.
The funniest part of this surf house is that we are all very different. When we sit and talk about our lives you may think yeah, wow so different, but we all came here for one thing: the love of surfing and the feeling of this freedom. So for those 10 days, I felt more connected to the people in the house than I did with the people in my career path. This, I believe is what changed everything. I don't keep in touch with everyone from that trip, only the Danes (because I can practice my Swedish and I love them to bits) and a few surfers here and there. I did go back there in December to say hi to the instructors. I don't know when I will go back again, as I have many more trips planned. But for every new journey, for every new wave, and for every new surfer: your first wave, your first love will never be replaced.
As for my fear, on February 15th 2018 I climbed the stairs to the top of the Effiel tower.
