Connect and to learn how to relax

Song: Wake Up This Day - Tom Misch & Jordan Rakei

Today my body gave up. I fainted and couldn’t leave my friend’s place, could barely even see. When I tried to get a taxi to go home, I realised that I would get back home, continue working and not relax. 

Here is the thing... I have no clue what it means to relax. This inner drive brought me through my common entrance exams to get into Bishops' High School, to get into Tufts and UCL and pulled me through my PhD to get two great post-docs afterwords. 

But when I started this company (SciFree AB), I worked even harder. I started the company in November, officially, but for 5 years I have been working on the idea, while researching what I thought would be my life’s work, collagen. But in February my body started aching and then today it gave up. 

On reflection: My friends, my family, the reasons I moved back to Stockholm took care of me and reminded me that I should chill the France out. I am so grateful for my friend who got kanelbulle for me to eat and told me to sit down, take a hot shower and be. It is the moment that I knew that by acting out my belief in connection and being honest, brings great people into your life.

Secondly, I have worked so hard in the last 8 months to bring this company where it is. It is much further along than anticipated, and I am so grateful for my inner drive. Nonetheless with all the meditating, yoga, gym and surfing, I thought I had my health covered. However I wasn’t remembering to eat. I get so enraptured in the company and work, that the day will go by and I would forget to eat. I know this is not something to be proud of. Sitting today trying to recall how I got through everything else I did before, I remembered that my parents would send me food during my exams in Guyana, at Tufts my friends would make sure I had adequate snacks (for little money) from our store and, during my PhD my partner at the time would call and message me to make sure that I was eating. He would also travel from London with a suitcase full of food (to get me to switch to Paleo) but to make sure my bad memory wouldn’t break me down. But for months I haven't let anyone get too close to me and know my weakness, so there was no one to jerk my memory, but yesterday with my body on its last bit of calorie, I finally had no choice but to let people in and what happened?... they brought me food and told me to relax. 

I guess the thing that I learned here is that superwoman was vulnerable too. That I need to put a reminder on my phone not just to do finances or have meetings, but to eat and to remember that connecting in all honesty will bring you more than the feeling of warmth and home, but also good people to show me how to relax and of course bring me food. 

xoxo With love from Stockholm (relaxing and eating on the window ledge).